Acrylic Painting 24" x 36"

“The people walking in darkness have seen a great light; on those living in the land of deep darkness a light has dawned” (Isaiah 9:2)

The story behind Your Light Has Dawned is more than an artist statement or an allegory about my life. It's a story for every person who has ever questioned, "If God is sovereign and good, why is there so much pain and suffering?", or "Why do horrific things happen in our world, to us and to the people we love?" It's for all those who've cried out, "Where are you, God?" in the midst of suffering. The history behind Your Light Has Dawned spans more than two decades. The tipping point came not deep in a canyon, but in a coffee shop with a dear friend.

2701 days ago, I came to the realization that there are some things in life I cannot do on my own. This realization didn’t come all at once. It started with a few people in my inner circle individually expressing their concern. The tipping point came while sitting with a dear friend in a deserted coffee shop one beautiful afternoon. She was very worried about my well-being, but I kept insisting I was fine as she pressed me further. Aren’t those the best kind of friends? The ones who know us so well, they aren’t put off by our walls, bullcrap, and denial? Gently, lovingly, she kept leaning in as I resolutely insisted I was fine. Finally, she said, “Lisa, if you’re fine, then why are you staring blankly out the window with silent tears streaming down your face?”

Truly, I felt nothing, save for the silent tears. What I didn’t know then was that I was suffering from trauma-related dissociation. I really don’t like using that word because the problem with using the word “trauma” is that people often maximize or minimize its presence and consequences. That’s exactly where I found myself 2701 days ago, as I sat before a mental health professional while she asked me pointed questions, seeking to know more about me and the circumstances that led me to reaching out. Finally, she stated, “You have had a lot of traumatic experiences in your life.” To which I bluntly responded, “No, I haven’t. Childhood soldiers experience trauma; I’ve just had some hard times.” I believed every word I said was true.

The enemy is cunning in how he uses lies and shame to keep us from the hope and healing we all need, no matter our stories. After all, Satan is the father of lies (John 8:44). In the years that followed, God helped me separate the truth from the lies to lead me back to life, starting with this:

LIE: What I experienced isn’t really that traumatic. (The “Suck it up, Buttercup” mentality.)

TRUTH: Trauma is trauma; the body responds to trauma whether I acknowledge it or not. Denying its existence will not keep trauma from taking its toll on my mind, body, emotions, my work, and my relationships. Symptoms will NOT get better by denying them; they will only escalate with time. Minimizing the experiences to dismiss them, or catastrophizing the trauma (believing it is too big to overcome) makes it impossible to heal.

That’s just one of many lies I had to overcome. More than a year after I met with the therapist, I was still waiting for the darkness to end and dawn to break in my life. It’s during that journey that I painted Your Light Has Dawned, a piece based upon a view from Navajo Point in the Grand Canyon. I went to Navajo Point well before dawn to watch the sun rise and whisper across the canyon walls. Much to my consternation, when dawn came, it never reached the inner canyon. With a 7,461 feet (2274 m) drop to the bottom of the canyon from Navajo Point, it’s no wonder the light couldn’t reach beyond the rim of the canyon walls. The shadows in front of me reflected how I felt: no matter how hard I tried to claw my way back to wholeness—to the “me” I used to be— I couldn’t.

When I returned to my studio, I refused to give up on this view. I began to paint what I first believed I would see in the canyon: darkness giving way to warm light and mesmerizing color in the predawn twilight. If you travel to Navajo Point to experience this view for yourself, you will never find it. The view in Your Light Has Dawned doesn’t exist because, like life, nature isn’t always perfect. We live in a world of indescribable beauty and immense suffering, so our stories don’t always go the way we planned. It took me more than a year to paint Your Light Has Dawned, and many more years to make strides in healing. I won’t go into all the details of that journey because that’s not the point. The point is that Jesus knew in this fallen world, sooner or later in life we will find ourselves in a canyon of deep darkness waiting and waiting and waiting for a dawn that never seems to come.

Maybe that describes what you or someone you love is experiencing right now. Though God doesn't cause our suffering, sometimes He allows it. Even still, His promise to you and to me is to bring light into our darkest moments and times of greatest suffering: “The people walking in darkness have seen a great light; on those living in the land of deep darkness a light has dawned” (Isaiah 2:9). The crazy thing is during that season of my life, I felt like my greatest need was to find a way out of the darkness, to just get it over with already! In the end, God’s answer wasn’t to immediately take me out of the darkness and set me on the canyon rim to admire the view. Instead, His light found me where I was “living in the land of deep darkness”.

The story behind Your Light Has Dawned isn’t short or easy for me to share, but I’m writing it because overcoming trauma isn’t short or easy, either. I share the journey of Your Light Has Dawned because trauma can be very isolating, but that doesn't mean we journey alone—nor are we meant to. I humbly acknowledge it’s taken the help of skilled professionals and a handful of people in my inner circle to get to where I am today. I want to encourage you that no matter what you’ve experienced, God has not abandoned or forgotten you. Your life still has purpose and hope—not some day, but today. If I can use my paints to bring light to a canyon that had none, how much more will God restore light and life to you where you need it most? If the story behind Your Light Has Dawned resonates with you, I hope you give God the chance to heal and restore you. I have learned that you don’t have to always be strong enough, or resilient and brave, for that to happen. You just have to be willing.

Your Light Has Dawned